from the deck of the ferry my eyes followed the Lady's passing, her stony expression seeming to reminisce.. do you remember when we climbed for what seemed hours, waiting to see that moment from her perspective? She's seen so much.. how many people were given Her welcome before all others? you used to call her your guiding light, and still i wonder exactly what you meant... another question i never asked. the ferry docks, and i find myself wandering around The Battery.. no purpose, not really.. just one more person on this beautiful landfill. until i decide to take my wanderings underground and northward, catching the 4 express just outside the park, the train is fairly empty this time of day, for that i am grateful, but it won't be long before commuters fill up it's cars. i can lose myself in the swaying, in the clattering of the rails. down here the artificial light makes everything seem harsher. finally the tunnels are left behind and natural light pours in the foggy windows as the train pulls up to a station, east 161st street. i quickly slide out before the recording can advise me to stay away from the closing doors to find myself gazing at The House That Ruth Built and its newly opened replacement right next door... all $1.9 billion dollars worth of it. i have to admit it is pretty. i stroll along the older stadium, boggling at the history that will be demolished and turned into park land soon enough. but for now you can still run into ghosts around every corner.. they gather here to play ball in the evenings, you can almost hear the crack of bats and the cheers from thousands of throats. i remember you wanted to see a game here once before... well, you know.... you said it was one of those things you never did for one reason or another. another dream on the back burner that never was quite fulfilled... seems we are full of those, you and i, and here i am retracing some of those never quite-came-true paths we used to travel. as the sun begins sets behind The Cathedral of Baseball i return to the station to leave Bronck's Land behind once more, and set my sights for the Square. i smile knowing it's still ours, even after all this time.. you'll be there waiting, under open sky, where the glow of neon advertisements holds the night at bay and time stands still, never ending.
i tripped methodically across the bridge, the one at the beginning of the acronym BMW that you taught me so long ago in order to help me remember which bridge is which in this area... although i admit i still tend to forget what the W stands for...
the island is behind me and king's county lays sprawled out before me.... i hear the best Jamaican food can be found over here... a cabbie told me that over his shoulder whilst dodging construction, a Columbus Day float that blocked all lanes of Fifth Avenue and pedestrians that know they have the right of way despite what the lights say. i'm not here for the Jamaican food, but i definitely put it on my list of things i need to try someday, maybe my next visit to this ghost filled city.
as i walk i reflect on how this suspension bridge is the same as it was when Robert E. Odlum decided to take his historical first leap... the same as when it served as a route of escape for many when the kings' death shut down the tunnels.. i wasn't here for that, but you told me what it was like. so much this bridge has seen, so many people with different reasons to cross her. what are my reasons? to chase a ghost? to relive some piece of my i lost? to find out exactly what it means to be here right now? just to remember.. remember and walk lost in thought.
i finally reach the end, or the beginning, depending on your point of view. i start to leave the B behind but find myself staring back the way i had come, remembering the first time we strolled it's mile and change length. how you reminisced over history, envisioned futures and discussed the present.
i wonder if there isn't a litter filled gutter, a horn filled intersection, an art piece in a museum that doesn't have your fingerprints all over it, that doesn't rest in the memory of your smile.. you touched too much of this city to be gone from it
COMMENTS
Beautifully written.
why thanks you ;]
i think there's some wording i would change had i thought about it, but i wanted it to be more raw, in the moment.. true of the memory more than scripted :)
i wandered around the streets, the same streets i walked so long ago, i had forgotten how i felt here... the noise, the crowds, the towering buildings. i found myself walking down the old Radio Row, the construction sounds filling my ears.... the sounds of of an end... and a new beginning... it takes me back every time
i always find myself looking up, picturing the the heights where we walked on air where we looked down on the world from our royal position over the skies. i smile when i picture the look on your face, the wind whipped your hair around your excited eyes... the smile permanently etched in your lips, every now and then i finger the the photos i still have.. of the world at our feet, of the heavens so close above, of cities prostrated at the base of a throne. we'll never get that back, but i won't ever forget how it was to touch the skies with the kings of the air. this skyline is naked without them
COMMENTS
That's just beautiful
thank you sweetie :)
thoth's kismet reminded me there is a new South Park on tonight
in about 15 minutes in fact.
sweet
*does a little dance*
sir, step out of the car please
COMMENTS
BEEFCAKE!! BEEFCAKE!!
The new episodes are good, but the old ones are pure greatness.
can't go wrong with a little south park! lol
gods i know
Trey Parker rocks my socks i tell you
the early episodes are total classics ;]
can never go wrong with the first couple of seasons :D
one month
i went through a ton of experiences this past month
some were pretty awesome and others just reflected the ugliness of the past in gross detail.. so much so that it disturbs me still.. no i won't get over it ;]
does this one regret it?
*ponders*
no.
although i started seeing ugly things i tried to ignore, i believe the intentions were honorable... although i felt pressured about things that caused me some distress and anxiety, i believe there was true caring in the idea... although i prepared for the inevitable as if by premonition, the break was clean and i feel better for it.
i lived an entire life and as i look back on it's ending, i think it was a good one.
see You in the next life.
COMMENTS
Life is full of lessons and tests. Even though most of which will leave it's mark on your soul and heart. You are a strong person I believe that even though there are things that are in your past, I know that you will be a stronger person because of it.
It's learning from our past that makes us stronger. Good luck to you.
experience is good i think we all go through them it's good to move on and forget about the past,sometimes we get stuck in a situation that we think makes us happy till we realize it's not for us,it's what i call wishful thinking.
thank you ladies!
i am in fact over it ;] and although it has made me wary and not as trusting, i am stronger for it
it was handled very well
even by the person who made it resurface
BUT that's not to say it wasn't scary and it still IS.. the fear of it happening again.
it's all good though, i feel alright about the past and i think i see it for what it is now
i am a naive little girl, but sometimes i get it ;]
*hugs*
MasterMindedFate, didn't see your comment, i apologize for leaving you out
yes, wishful thinking always gets us in trouble
i wished for something, got it but it didn't work out, and i realized i wasn't going to get it back despite the attempts to try again
the scar tissue from the past is very apparent in my handling of things
i wish i could have said some things, words that never quite were spoken, but you know how that goes...
there is a bit of sadness of course, every passing has that but i see how the other person is already healing and it makes me glad i was not so damaging as i was afraid i was or could be. i do not set out to destroy people or use them
so here's to wishful thinking
COMMENTS
-
ladySnowStrixx
14:47 Oct 31 2009
it was a wonderful read
birra
21:58 Nov 01 2009
Breathtaking. Really.
It leaves me wanting more. And wondering about the details left behind.
MysticalChild
23:01 Nov 10 2009
wow thank you both :)
i am honored